I’ll start by giving you a peek into my life. I work full time in a factory and generally I work a MINIMUM of 56-60 hours a week and sometimes up 72 or 76. I haven’t had a day off in almost two months. It’s physically demanding, sure, but more than anything it takes a huge emotional toll on me everyday.
I’m a naturally workaholic, i get it from my dad who basically lives for his job. I thrive on being busy and getting the most hours, knowing the most, and making as much money as possible. Don’t get me wrong, I would much rather be this way than have the total lack of work ethic that many people my age have. However, everything changed when I became a mom.
Thus the title, I find myself basically walking a tightrope, a balancing act of the worst kind. One side I have my family, my daughter, my fiancé, my friends, and on the other is my work life, my coworkers and boss who need my help, and the urge to make more money and please management. I struggle being away from my daughter all the time because I don’t wanna miss out on her being young but at the same time I’d rather try to work all the overtime to pay off debt and save a bit while she’s young enough not to remember that I was never there. It’s a constant internal battle of how much is too much and what happens if it goes away and I didn’t take advantage of it.
It doesn’t help when everyone has an opinion. Family and some coworkers thinks I’m being away from Kota too much and that the money isn’t worth it. Boss wants my help to get shit done at work. Other coworkers are asking why I’m giving up hours and not working all the time.
To cut down on babysitting costs, J and I are on separate shifts so I’ll work 11a-11p on second and he’ll already be at work from 11p-7a then he’ll come home and sleep while I get up with Kota and get around to go back into work. We hardly ever see each other and even when he doesn’t work the weekend, I work 7a-1p Saturday’s and Sundays.
Emotional state right now- I’m burnt out. I’m stressed out. My nerves are shot and I’m just absolutely exhausted. I know I’m working towards a better future but the present is rough right now. Money doesn’t buy happiness but it definitely helps.
Any other moms or even working students out there, let me say this: Work to live, don’t live to work. Don’t bring your work home with you if possible. Always put yourself and your family first.
In January I’ll have to do a part 2 to this when I also go back to school😅
Thanks for reading guys! Have a great week y’all!❤️
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| PS: Kota says this cold weather is ridiculous |
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